(via dreaminginthedeepsouth)
stacey-marie | 27 | Athens, Ga. | photographer / zine-writer | selenographie.com
(via dreaminginthedeepsouth)
“What is a ‘sugar baby,’ you might ask? You may know the term ‘sugar daddies,’ which refers to men who offer women gifts, money and other lifestyle perks in exchange for a relationship. Effectively, sugar babies are the young ladies who benefit from these types of arrangements. There can be sugar mommies too! We can’t leave aspiring male sugar babies out in the cold, no matter how Oedipal their situation may sound.” (via, but linked on CNN)
…in which I struggle with effectively Choosing My Battles. This is difficult to do because sometimes everything is terrible and my rage is boundless and able to be triggered by poor excuses for “the news” which is ridiculous but is actually just the icing on the cake. Does anyone want to get coffee with me later? That is all.
…with a nod to John Carpenter’s They Live!
(via stacey-marie | selenographie)
Background info for non-Athenians: Selig Enterprises wants to build a Walmart in downtown Athens. Some of the locals do not approve. So we started meme-ing on the construction-planning photos from Selig.
So this is a post that has been a long time coming, ever since I started tracking the Betty Draper tag basically and was exposed to a whole new level of vitriol that I didn’t think a fandom - whom I always used to consider pretty classy - was capable…
I just started watching Mad Men and I’m only in the middle of Season 3, so I’m not sure if my opinion would change as Betty’s character is further developed. Also I have not explored any Mad Men fandom type forums at all and only had a few discussions about Relevant Issues regarding the show.
That being said, in re: item #1, “Betty Draper is a bad mother” - as yet in my viewing experience, I haven’t labelled her a “bad mother.” Partially this might be due to my own childhood; I was raised by parents who were not necessarily opposed to shouting at or spanking a kid for disciplinary purposes. It didn’t happen often, but it was a thing that happened. (At the same time, my mom raised hell when she found out my Kindergarten teacher was smacking me around.) And although I wouldn’t spank my own kids, I don’t personally feel that what I experienced was all that detrimental in the long run, despite the fact that it would be defined as abuse nowadays, technically. (And also despite the fact that surely some people will say I’m messed up for thinking what happened to me is not messed up, when taken as a whole. Whatever, unabashedly confessional y’all.)
So far as I’ve watched in the series, there have been many tense moments where Betty is mean, cold, or curt to her kids. I actually thought this was kind of a brave thing to be showing on TV (though I am loathe to describe a television program as “brave”) because I read it as a kind of authenticity. I mean, you have the cheerful 50s mom Leave It to Beaver-esk stereotype — all of which is covered in the linked commentary. But still today, regardless of our privilege of 20/20 hindsight into how messed up the past was, this stereotype of the happy mother joyously sacrificing everything for the sake of her angelic children is still all the rage.
Motherhood-as-a-concept is made out to be this life-changing experience where despite all the sleepless nights and poopy diapers and stained clothes and hurty tits (not to mention finding time for the rest of your life and maintaining sanity and being an individual person with thoughts) — you are so happy, so so overjoyed, and it is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You (tm). Which I wouldn’t argue with per se. I have experienced the feeling of overwhelming love for one’s child and it is a thing that is real. But then there are the other realities of cleaning up messes and crying and losing your mind and being exhausted and also at the same time, making sure to always have something grateful to say about the joys of parenting and always have a happy face. These are the things I haven’t experienced and this is part of what terrifies me about eventually raising a kid… what happens when I mess up? There’s a lot of pressure to Not Mess Up around your kids because if you get angry you will RUIN THEM FOR LIFE.
So to me, Betty Draper’s character as a mom offers glimpses into a kind of parenting that can be a real thing. Not the kind you’ll see on cutesy Facebook posts or photo albums. There are going to be days when the parent is tired and snaps at the kids. There are days when the parents can’t take it anymore because as precious and beautiful and amazing as children are, they can also be hellish. I know this because I used to be a kid and I was kind of an asshole sometimes. Parents don’t become perfect and infallible after having kids; they’re still human and they still have to deal with their human shit while also being responsible for a smaller human. Life doesn’t stop being difficult forever simply because something allegedly miraculous happened to you once or twice.
I once read a story — I think it was in Breeder but I will have to go and search to confirm because I’m not totally certain — that was about how when a woman gives birth, she will undoubtedly (due to emotions as well as the rush of hormones) feel this overwhelming, universal rush of perfect love for her newborn; this helps in the initial attachment and bonding process. The author of this particular birth story wrote that after hours of laboring, squatting and on all fours, when her baby was finally born, the mother’s first thought was to eat her child. Like some kind of atavistic wolf instinct. I’ve never read another birth story like this. You don’t want to tell people about that feeling; that shit is weird and inappropriate. The mother was troubled by these feelings and regardless of her doing all the right things and being a good mom/caretaker, she still felt like a freak because Parenting is Hard and it wasn’t all cupcakes and rainbows. She loved her kid fiercely, but raising an infant for her was a lot of craziness. I loved that story because it was honest as shit. I don’t want to hear about how having a kid made your life perfect and amazing and everyone should have teh babiez it is the best!!! I want to know about the real human shit so that I don’t have to constantly fear that I will totally fall short of this unattainable magical standard of motherhood simply because I am a lady who can caretake and feel beauty and joy and overwhelming love but also who sometimes feels tired and sometimes gets angry and sometimes just doesn’t have time for the bullshit and needs to be left alone every now and then to think. Is there something wrong with still wanting to be a person while you’re caring for another person?
/TV SHOWS THAT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT SERIOUS ISSUES.
ETA: Case in Point: WHAT HAPPENED, MOMMY?
Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton: “Hound Dog” (1952)
Big Mama Thornton was a blues/R&B singer and professional BAMF.
This is what I learned about her from my music history professor:
She left home at the age of 14 to try to get gigs singing in clubs & vaudeville acts. She taught herself how to play some instruments, like drums and harmonica. Nobody dared mess with her due to her imposing stature (obviously at least six feet tall!) Songwriters Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller (who wrote many of the early rock’n’roll songs, such as “Yakety-Yak” for the Coasters, “Stand By Me” for Ben E. King, and “Under the Boardwalk” for the Drifters) wrote “Hound Dog” for her after seeing her perform. It was #1 on the Billboard Rhythm & Blues charts before Elvis’ version made #1 on the Rock’n’Roll charts. According to my instructor, during the 50s Rhythm & Blues and Rock’n’Roll were pretty similar and shared influences before later branching off into R&B and Rock, and the nomenclature at the time was mainly to segregate the black artists from the white, at least on paper/radio stations/record labels, even though there was a lot of crossover happening between performers as well as audiences. (My professor says he’ll tell us later about his thoughts on how music contributed to desegregation in general.)
Although the recording of “Hound Dog” brought Big Mama fame, she didn’t see a lot of profit, and at least as my professor told us, she later died in poverty. Record companies would typically offer the singer two options: take a payment up front and give up the rights to the song, or keep the rights to the song and get paid a fraction of a cent for each record sale. A large payment up front was tempting to many musicians who were usually broke, and the record companies would frame the proposition in terms of: “at least you’ll get paid something because what if the record doesn’t sell?” But when the record would go and sell a hundred thousand copies, the singers rarely saw royalties.
Most of my writing comes from my 1.7-mile walk home from work at night:
"As we mark the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, we must remember that this Supreme Court decision not only protects a woman’s health and reproductive freedom, but also affirms a broader principle: that government should not intrude on private family matters. I remain committed to protecting a woman’s right to choose and this fundamental constitutional right. While this is a sensitive and often divisive issue- no matter what our views, we must stay united in our determination to prevent unintended pregnancies, support pregnant women and mothers, reduce the need for abortion, encourage healthy relationships, and promote adoption. And as we remember this historic anniversary, we must also continue our efforts to ensure that our daughters have the same rights, freedoms, and opportunities as our sons to fulfill their dreams."
Obama’s statement on the anniversary of roe vs. wade (via songinbminor)
(via blake500)
"Don’t you think that some people are going to have a hard time believing that the same person who communicates with the spirits of the dead can also predict which route will have the least traffic on their morning commute?"
ABC-godforsaken-“NEWS” is interviewing Linda Lauren, a self-proclaimed “TRAVEL PSYCHIC” on the validity of her powers.
have you guys ever read the thing about that (feminist) woman who realizes PMS is in a large part a socially constructed disease, and then her cramps ~magically go away~? i’m not going to find that, but this post is pretty much the opposite of that.
so i never really took concerns about emotional aspects of PMS seriously because i was dong an asshole thing of “not listening to women” and figuring like, “this is not a thing that noticeably happens to me, it must not be common”—um, so, yeah, all of that is pretty ridiculous. i think a lot of the other reason i didn’t take it very seriously was because my parents used to tell me when i got upset around my period i was “just being moody because of PMS”, so i put more stock into PMS being like “a way of dismissing lady feelings” than like, a real thing necessarily in most cases.
but in the past like, at least six months i’ve been having like a tiny DEPRESSIVE EPISODE in the week before my period, every month, without fail. the extent of this varies from like, freaking out in a manner that seems very similar to major depression, from what i understand of it from reading articles/talking to friends with depression (ie: lying in bed crying with no real reason/being completely unable to get up and do something i know i have to do) to feeling generally inadequate at things i do (and also crying a lot) to just being in a really bad mood (in a “i am really unsure why these things are making me upset” way)
i don’t really know if i should talk to a doctor about this or not? i’m not entirely sure about how it’s treated—i’ve heard that low doses anti-depressants are sometimes prescribed, but really i’m not interested in that for something that affects me for like, roughly 2-4 hours once a month.
Well damn, GOOD FOR THAT FEMINIST LADY. I’ve never read that but I guess I wouldn’t be surprised.
The effects of your cycle can change over time based on things like age, diet, stress levels, and whether or not you ever get pregnant, or terminate a pregnancy, or miscarry, or have a baby. When I was younger I used to get The Worst Cramps and week-long periods and doctors kept prescribing me stronger and stronger pain pills, which I would of course eventually develop a tolerance to and then they wouldn’t work. I decided to stop that and after a few months either my natural remedies were working or my cycle had just changed on its own.
Now my cycle is like: 2 weeks of feeling neutral, 1 week of feeling, um, “excitable”, a few days of crying at the drop of a hat, a few more days of neutral, and then period, which is one very painful day when I ought to be allowed to stay in bed and eat chocolate, and a few slightly irritable days.
I have a lot of lady health zines with different ways of reducing menstrual pain or managing PMS-y emotions. Some things that have worked for me are: raspberry leaf tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, less caffeine, no smoking cigarettes, yes smoking other kinds of cigarettes, no red meat, lots of fresh fruits and veggies, no dairy (except chocolate helps me a lot?), and drinking lots of water and peeing a lot. Also hot showers/baths (soap/bubbles not recommended personally), heating pads (or you can put a flat rock in the oven for a bit and wrap it in a towel!), back and shoulder and thigh massages or even light petting (affectionate comforting touches), and getting off. Physical exercise also seems to be helpful even when I feel like my insides are falling out; sometimes a walk around the block feels great when I overcome the initial discomfort.
As far as medicine-medicine, sometimes different kinds of hormonal birth control can help regulate emotions and reduce pain, if you’re into that sort of thing. (I don’t use bc because I have LADY ISSUES about it, but it works for many others!) And there are anti-anxiety type drugs that can be used as-needed for the moments you’re feeling poopy (I use Ativan/Lorazepam in very small doses).
But as for my personal not-necessarily-solicited opinion regarding managing or regulating emotions, especially as related to periods/PMS, unless it’s, like, severely, intensely, dangerously affecting your ability to enjoy life… why not try to accept/embrace? Personally I relish the opportunity to be able to exist in an emotionally-heightened state of being for those few days, even if it means I’m going to be crying over an advertisement on YouTube or something. I think it’s pretty interesting that chemical changes occurring in my body can make me feel differently about everyday stuff, and also because I track my cycle I am usually aware of some hormonal reasons why I might be in a certain mood, so I can accept it and appreciate it and be all analytical and shit. It sort of gives me a chance to look at things in a way that I might not easily be able to during a neutral time. I don’t look at it as like, “EXCUSE ME, I’M JUST PMSING, PLEASE DISREGARD MY LACK OF RATIONAL THOUGHT,” ‘cause if I maintain awareness then I know it’s just another facet of myself anyway. (Also personal disclaimer: I’m so stressed and burnt-out these days that I am EXCITED that I can still cry about things or get angry or moody, so that’s where I’m coming from.)
And PC blog disclaimer: Not saying my way is better, just saying it’s better for me…and a potentially helpful opinion to consider in re: Katy’s question.
